Getting married, hitched, wed, or whatever you want to call it is a life changing decision. For most couples who are married, I’m sure you look back on your wedding day as one filled with happiness, joy and great memories. Each wedding I have been to, including my own, I have found to be such an intimate and personal thing. No two weddings are quite the same, little hints and touches of the couple spread around to make it their own. After talking with my nan recently about her own wedding, I can’t help but feel that times have changed incredibly over the past decades, both for better and for worse! I want to share a few of our stories and some facts from a family law firm (Cardiff)* in this post on the modern face of marriage.
Going back to my nan, she told me that she got married at the same time as one of her sisters in a joint ceremony for financial reasons. It was a church wedding, a traditional catholic wedding which took place in Derry, Northern Ireland in 1963. Her dress cost £13 and both rings were £19. My dress, well price comparison is quite difficult, but it was a lot more than that! Our wedding- which took place 8 months ago- saw Paul and I married at a registry office as well as by a humanist in our own home the next day.
On my nan’s wedding day, she was told not to have any champagne at the toasting because she wasn’t old enough. I had a sip or two, and no one told me not to.
On the night of the wedding, my nan wasn’t told by anyone in her family on what to expect. My wedding night consisted of unpacking a marquee and looking over all the crazy photo booth images until 3 in the morning, then we fell asleep!
A non religious wedding weekend such as mine and Paul’s would certainly not have been possible for my nan, though I can happily report that it’s been 53 years since their wedding and my grandparents are still together and are the epitome of an old married couple.
Attitudes have changed so much not only towards marriage, but relationships in general. Introducing same sex marriage in the UK has brought us into a world that is so much more open and relaxed about marital ideals and what it means to marry the one you love. However, I do find that with a more relaxed view over the decades, the number of weddings that seem to expire has grown by far too much. How many divorced couples do you know? I conducted a poll on Twitter and 72% of people knew a close family member or friend who had gotten a divorce.
Can people really get married now without that tiny little thought in the back of their mind saying ‘well, if something does happen then I can just get divorced’? I feel this is a luxury that so many people (not all) take advantage of in countries where divorce has become so normal.
Of course I am happy that divorce can mean freedom for certain abusive and unfaithful relationships, but I do think that it is all too easy to say ‘I do’ now that it doesn’t necessarily mean ‘I do until death do us part’. In the source from the Cardiff law firm, 42% view marriage as a way to increase their financial security- I wonder if that percentage would have been higher or lower back in my nan’s day!
I believe that Paul and I waited the right amount of time before getting married, about 6 years, which included living together for a considerable amount of time beforehand. We got to know each other like no one I’d ever met before and we are soon to be expanding to three before we celebrate our first year of marriage.
We have been on countless adventures, starting out at a little Twilight convention in Birmingham, then travelling to the biggest comic convention ever in San Diego soon after becoming a ‘couple of nerds!’
67% of people surveyed think that there is less pressure from society to get married now than there was 10 years ago- I certainly felt no pressure to get married whatsoever before we were ready. Interestingly enough, 53% of people asked would want a civil ceremony. Does this show that marriage is becoming less of a religious thing and more like a status thing? I know I am certainly guilty of feeling that happy moment I could ‘status update’ my life on social media after the wedding. I’m proud to represent the modern face of marriage, and I plan to stay married providing Paul continues to be one hell of a tolerant husband!
How do you feel about your wedding day, whether married, planning or dreaming? Would you have wanted to get married in a similar style to my nan or to me?
Saharasplash x
Facts from survey (not including my Twitter poll) comprising of 2,000 GB men and women. Source: Slater Gordon. All figures from survey are from YouGov Plc.
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I certainly look back at our wedding with happiness but I am still struggling to remember it as it was all so overwhelming (in the best sense ever!) I know a few people who are divorced already and I agree that the view is much more relaxed now! I entered into this marriage with a full view to stay married to Stuart forever and have a family and life together just like when my grandparents and parents got married! Fab post! Makes me even more impatient to upload my pics to social media! haha! 🙂 xx
This was such an interesting post! When I want to get married I want it to be quite a casual thing with preferably just us two, but I feel like there’s a lot of pressure to have a big white wedding and invite everyone you’ve ever said hello to, haha.
Love the photos you’ve shared, they’re so cute! x
Funnily enough me and my boyfriend met at a comic convention in Birmingham 2 years ago and have been there ever since!
Isobel x
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First off, I really enjoyed seeing all these photos. I like that you brought up the discussion of how marriage has become more relaxed. Even though it is great that everyone can marry whoever they want, I believe it has made marriage more casual and leads to divorce being normalized. I have known several people with divorced parents and it is becoming more common. I am not married yet but I do think in the back of my mind that marriage no longer seems to have a “till death to us part” meaning. This was a very interesting and thought provoking post!
First off, I really enjoyed seeing these photos. I like that you brought up the conversation of how marriage is becoming more relaxed. Even though it is great that everyone is able to marry whoever they went, I believe it is leading marriage to be more casual and normalizing divorce. I know several people with divorced parents and it is becoming more common. As much as I want to get married, it is in the back of my mind that marriage no longer seems to have the “till death do us part” meaning. I definitely will get married someday, although it seems more temporary these days. Very interesting and thought provoking article!
I love this post! Your dress is absolutely beautiful! How things have changed in the way marriage and wedding days are. I remember my nan telling me she and my granddad were married when she was just 16 and the stories just don’t sound as romantic as I wish for my own day. But similarly to yours, they’re now 60 years married and love each other just as much :’) xx
You and your husband look so happy together, loved this post ? I totally agree that marriage is much more relaxed in general, and divorce is defo becoming more and more normal! Me and my boyfriend both want a fairly traditional wedding surrounded with all of our friends and family, but nothing too over the top, so I’d say it would probably be a mix between yours and your Nan’s weddings. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the modern face of marriage xx
That sounds perfect, you have to go with what is right for you and your partner at the end of the day. We have had a great first year of marriage together so far! X
I need to start by saying that dress is absolutely STUNNING The train looks gorgeous! I do agree that marriage has become more relaxed in a sense. I think it is because throughout generations the idea of love has become less about commitment and more of a feeling. I love how this post shared your honest thoughts about marriage. It was refreshing to read!
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this is such a cute post! I’m not married and right now I honetly don’t see myself getting married any time soon but when/if I do I want it o be as simple as possible..I’m really not one for big huge extravagant events haha
That’s nice, I’m maid of honor for a wedding this winter and it’s going to be simple yet elegant! Can’t wait to get planning more with the bride to be! X
I have never been married, but thankfully I have never felt pressure about it. Marriage is a personal choice for the couple, so I’m actually glad nowadays there is no pressure about it. It comes down to being the right decision for the couple and that’s it. My cousin and her husband have been married for 2 years and they have known each other since was 18 and he was 19, and they are both got married at age 27 and 28 and still happily married and together. For me, then if I do get married one day then I want to stick with till death do us part vows. I want to take that seriously, so marriage is a serious thing for me and if I do get married it would be with someone I truly want to spend the rest of my life with no matter what. Your wedding dress of yours is beautiful btw! ?
I love this post. It really does make you think about how marriage has changed over the generations – in some ways for the better and some ways for the worst. Even just speaking to one generation before me, my Mam, things have changed so much. Her and my Dad had a budget wedding with a reception in the local social club. This is absolutely fine but not many people opt to do that these days. I’m getting married next year and we are making it a mini holiday almost spending three nights at the venue with all our close family and friends – a far cry from what my Mam and Dad did but still just as special.
Interesting read.
Kirsty xo.